"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
