Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
