Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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