so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
