Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
