i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
