I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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