My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
one might say we're banned from that church
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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