You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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