you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
