just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
