Screwed.edu
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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