I cockslap morals
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
