At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
