he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
