I'm eating all of the evidence.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
