did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
