Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
