Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
