tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
