if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
