Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
