I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
