Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
