Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
