every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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