i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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