Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
