Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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