True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
