just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
