Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
