was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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