Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
