It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
