Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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