it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
