Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
