What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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