walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
