His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
