We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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