Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
