We won't sleep together?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
