She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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