Is it because I queefed?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
