This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
