I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
