How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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