I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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