my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
