but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
