I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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