What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I have already put on my inside pants.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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